Survival
by rcaqua
Summary: She has to be strong. She has to survive.


**Title: Survival**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Charmed_, unfortunately. Just this story. Sad, I know.

**Distribution: **Wherever you want to archive this, as long as you ask.

**Summary: **After _The Courtship of Wyatt's Father_, Piper's stuck in hell.

**a/n: **A weird little idea that popped into my head. Please let me know if this is any good. If anyone does think this any good, it'll become the Prologue, in a way, of a series. And no, the rest of it won't be this sad. I think. **PLEASE REVIEW**.

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She wanted to die. That was the first thing that entered Piper's head as she woke up every morning. The constant churning in her stomach intensified as she dashed across the hall to the bathroom. As soon as her mouth opened, the entire contents of her small meal from the night before emptied into the toilet bowl, some of it dripping down the side of her mouth. Piper wearily got back to her feet and went to the sink to wash off.

At least she had the memories of her first pregnancy to prepare her for this one. But that was the worst problem. She still had her memories. She could still remember Leo holding her in his arms at night as they planned out a picture-perfect future for the little girl they had thought they'd have. She could still remember the way he would hold her hair back as she threw up, and how he'd bring a wash cloth and clean her up with it, not wanting her to stand up until her stomach had "fully settled". And the look in his eyes as he'd place his hand on her stomach whenever Wyatt moved inside her. The way they would shine, making the green in them so pronounced that the gray tint normally there seemed nonexistent.

Piper bit down hard on her lower lip to stop a sob from being released. Her sisters were still asleep, but there was no way for her to tell how long that would last until she could get to her room and look at the clock. But nothing could stop the tears that had welled up in her eyes, or the way those same tears spilled over, running down her cheeks to be wiped away firmly. She couldn't cry. Not even at night before she went to sleep, since there was the chance that her eyes would still be red in the morning.

It wasn't that Phoebe and Paige would wonder why she cried. They both knew. They both knew that Leo wouldn't- _couldn't_- come back to her. That she was pregnant and he wouldn't be there to raise their sons. And it would definitely be _sons_. There was no doubt about that fact. And there was the other thing plaguing Piper. She was going to have a son. That, in itself, wasn't so bad. In fact, it normally would have been cause for joy. But Piper couldn't feel anything besides despair, because she knew that she would fail both of her sons so badly that one would become the ruler of Evil and the other would have to travel to the past in an attempt to stop that.

No, Phoebe and Paige would understand perfectly if she cried. They would probably prefer that, if their behavior was any indication, to the way she was currently acting. They told her that it was okay to stop pretending that everything was normal, that they were there for her, and that Chris didn't hate her. But she wasn't pretending. The way things were was normal… or it would become her normal in the years to come. Leo wasn't just gone on vacation, he would never come back. Wyatt and Chris wouldn't have a father, but they would have a mother and two aunts who adored them.

As for Chris not hating her… that was laughable. He had disappeared as soon as she'd found out who he was. Even now he avoided the Manor, and when he did come, he barely said hello to her. There was no way that he didn't blame her for something that she would do in the future. Even if he didn't admit it to himself, there had to be some reason that he hadn't told anyone who he was. After all, he was a Halliwell, of course he had some way to convince them. Then there was the way both Phoebe and Paige had found out before she did. She knew he'd had no problem talking to them.

So she had a son that would hate her, another who would hate everyone, and a husband who had left her forever. This would be her normal. This would be her life. A life without Leo there beside her. A life without him guiding her, helping her, _loving_ her. Instead, she would have to sneak across the hall in the early morning, praying that she wouldn't give into the breakdown she could feel herself standing on the edge of. Because she knew that if and when she let go and finally let herself admit all of the emotions swirling inside of her she'd lose herself. She'd be lost inside the labyrinth of her life, trying to figure out which way to turn when she hadn't the faintest idea what to do.

Survival. That was the key. People needed her, depended on her. She had a destiny, and the remains of a family, to keep together. And that meant she had to ignore these chaotic thought of hers in order for her to stay strong. But maybe there would be a day when she could finally sort through everything. Maybe there would be a day when she would find that someone else had already fixed her problems for her.

Until then? She would live, as best she could. She'd be the best mother, sister, and witch there was. She had to be. If she wasn't, she wouldn't survive.


End file.
